Wake Up In The Morning, Feeling Shy and Lonely.....

Yes, I've been watching Degrassi Junior High. And now you have that song stuck in your head, don't you?

REJOICE IN THE POWER OF TEEN TV SHOWS!

And I'm not talking the stoopid 'new generation' Degrassi, where all the old students return as annoying teachers and make us doubt they were ever awesome.

I'm talking this crew:

We are fucking WHOLESOME. But will do drugs if storyline requires it.

I loved this show like craaaaaaazy when it was on in the 80s/90s, and recently got my hands on the first three seasons. So yeah, in the next few weeks I'm gonna totally immerse myself in Degrassi-ness, start saying aboot and hoose like a good Canadian, and then finally bust out the movie-length finale and yell "You were fucking Tessa Campanelli??" while doing my best earnest Caitlyn Ryan face.

I am gonna bust that little blonde bitch's face, Jeremiah!

YOU. WERE. FUCKING. TESSA. CAMPANELLI. This was the line that simultaneously nourished and destroyed our childhoods. Don't you remember being so goddamn SHOCKED that the Degrassi kids were suddenly swearing on TV, drink driving and rooting around on their girlfriends? Shame on you, Joey Jeremiah! Caitlyn was the best thing that happened to you and you still WERE FUCKING TESSA CAMPANELLI?? She was a little blonde whore and she was only in like, grade nine!

Taaaaaa Joey, ohmygod like taaaaaa!

While indulging in a veritable Degrassi marathon ("MORE DEGRASSI!" was yelled at me more than once),  The Boy and I started talking about our favourite characters, who we had crushes on back in the day, and which character we resembled.

My boyfriend thinks I'm "a less chocolate-y" version of Lucy, with her crazy outfits and hippie sensibilities. When she came onscreen in some leopard-print leggings he started squealing and pointing like she was my doppelganger. To his credit, I have been known to wear leopard-print leggings.

I will out-scarf you anyday.

But I always had a girl crush on and kinda wanted to be like Caitlyn; she was a good girl who was also cool, part of the school's power couple (even though Joey was a tool), wore weird headbands and graduated to an awesome blonde streak.

Look at me rocking my hair streak. Bitches, step off.

And she was always super-earnest and good to the environment. She lost her shit a little when she fell for that weird dude Claude (Clowwwwwd), but after he offed himself in the toilet she of course returned to Joey's ever-lovin' arms.

You know you wish you WERE us

So, which Degrassi character are you?

Slutty Stephanie Kaye who gets the Class President vote by slopping her boobs and bad makeup all over the boys?

Being a whore gets attention, yay!

One of the bitch-twins, Heather and Erica, always into fuckery; getting drunk before the dance, shagging boys at parties, getting pregnant and having abortions?

Surly. We are surly.

Or Spike, our favourite teen mum, the friendly punk with two tonnes of hairspray?

If I can take care of an egg I can have a baby, right?

Or the boys....are you Shane, the irresponsible father of Spike's baby who took acid and jumped off a bridge?

I'm about to get all teen statistic on your ass!

Wheels, who wore too much denim, a series of bad spectacles, and maintained one of the greatest variations of the mullet?

Just lookit my awesome mullet and glasses. Ohhhh yeah.

Or Joey Jeremiah, the drug-pushing, hat-wearing Zit Remedy frontman who was always chasing tail despite being oh, about three feet tall? You don't need a pic of Joey. Everyone knows Joey. The guy who played him actually did a conference in Melbourne via Skype earlier this year...AND I FUCKING MISSED IT. I know, how is it even possible I missed it?

Wait, let us pause for reflection....Zit Remedy. How many times have you found yourself singing THAT song at inappropriate moments? I usually sing it when someone wants something, or takes your money, or never gives up, or declares themself The New Degrassi Sensation.

And who did you have a crush on? I had a mild thing for Clutch, Lucy's older boyfriend. Clutch's 80s appeal doesn't really translate to today, but he seemed pretty cool when I was ten.

I'm squinting cos that's how cool folk roll.

For an extra trip down memory lane, here's a really shonky vid of the moment when Joey proved he's an idiot, and we rejoiced at the use of the word fucking. On television. In a teen show. *GASP*

You want more? You gotta come to my house and I will Degrassi your face off baby!

LONG LIVE DEGRASSI!

 

PS Spike and Caitlyn have been known to DJ together now. Can you imagine rocking up to a party and those two are on the decks? I would squeal until my face split. Pretty sure you would too :)