All my life, I have been very white-skinned. Pale and pasty, lily white, living dead and all that.
I have run the gamut of nicknames, from Paleface to Casper to Ghost Girl. Honey, I've heard them all, and very few are hilarious. As a baby, my mother would be approached by strangers asking if I were sick, even if I had cancer.
So I'm here to finally, inevitably say, SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. I'mma sick of your racism against really-super-dooper-whiteys. Some cultures adore porcelain skin; Japanese women used to poison themselves with lead powder to achieve alabaster beauty for shit's sake.
I don't wanna hear it from ANY OF YOU any more. I don't care how friendly we are. You are not in some exclusive club that allows you to insult me and giggle, wondering why I haven't joined you in your snorting supposed hilarity.
I love you but shut the fuck up with this brand of nonsense:
"Is that the colour of your legs?" No, I'm wearing white stockings for that 80s soft porn vibe.
"Are your wearing a mask?" YES. Yes I am. You can call me Michael Myers.
"Is that REALLY your skin??" No, I photoshopped myself whiter for shits n giggles.
"Put it away, Lily!" Um, my name is not Lily and you need to put your face away.
So you need to just shush now. No more discriminating against or laughing at the supernatural glow emanating from your untannable friends. It is not cool.
And while I'm here, I wanna give a big HELLS YEAH! to all my uber-white bitches and homeboys out there. You is pretty, and don't let no orange hoes or jealous frenemies try to ever convince you otherwise. Embrace your alabaster, mondo hugs and loveness to your porcelain skin.
All mah bitches, line em up!
Tans are totes overrated. Whiteys Uniteys!
(Happy Friday kidlets...encourage me and I'll get off my lily white ass and actually be a blog wanker more often) xxx