Actual Quotes from the Good Food and Wine Festival, or How Michael and Elisha Got Sore Feet and No Cheese

Leave your dignity AT THE DOOR.

Where's Manu? I'd let that man do anything to me.

Is that security guard one of the Village People? His shirt is just so tight, he looks like a stripper.

You can tell they hired that Coopers girl for her tits.

Oh christ, they have coffee seminars. Wankers.

Do you think if we get him a boombox and ask him to take his shirt off, he will?

Where the hell do you get the wine glasses from? I wanna drink!

No really, she must be wearing a corset, they're just too perky.

Seriously, where is the fucking cheese? Cheese and wine go hand in hand, goddammit!

Look, moscato on tap!

Oooh, he's hot, let's get booze off him......nah, can't be bothered, everyone wants his booze.

Fuck that, I don't wanna make small talk with them, I just want their free samples.

If one more person rams me with a bloody trolley I'm gonna kick them.

Who takes their kids to a festival AND GETS DRUNK?

They're at the Beer Garden....there's an indoor beer garden?

Do I need a meat sandwich? Nah, I don't wanna pay for food when there's samples.

If I don't find some cheese soon, I'm going to fucking punch someone.

Arrrgh, that gargoyle is a real dude...(to the gargoyle) "Hi there!"

I'm SEVERELY disappointed with the lack of cheese.

I'm hungry, gimme that bottle of mustard. No, we don't look like junkies!


*And with that, they were away into the afternoon, in search of cheese and a full glass of booze.